she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
