why didn't you poke me back
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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