best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
