Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
and she was petting her beer can
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
