i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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