We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My liver just had a heart attack.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
