YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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