I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
