a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
