What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Boobs are out for the taking
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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