from now on my penis is your penis
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
