is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
