just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
