I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
