I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
