I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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