I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
