The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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