Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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