Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize