Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
