If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
