dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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