thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
