It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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