is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
