there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
