i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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