I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
