remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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