I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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