dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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