It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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