I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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