I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
