at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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