Little spoons don't ask big questions
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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