Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
