i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who died my cat blue again?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
