a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
