No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
