fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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