HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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