Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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