we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
