You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
