Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
