Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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