Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
