I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
