Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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