FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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