what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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