I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
