At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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