Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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