i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
