The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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