I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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