sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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