The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
