bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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