We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
