All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
