So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just pee around me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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