he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I deserve this hangover.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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