There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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