Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
