i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
