There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
