So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
