I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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