absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
