from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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