I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
