Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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