The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
