i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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